Body Acceptance -A Perspective
We all know as women (and some men too!) the challenges we face in this country concerning body image. The standards we are conditioned to live up to. How we are to look, what is fit or fat and what that means, can we have both?
Ingrained on the pages of magazines and flashing before our eyes incessantly throughout our lives on television. Some feel pressure to look a certain way more than others. Some never shake it their entire lives. Its a difficult path to establish true body acceptance amidst such forces.
Body Acceptance; what does this mean exactly?
Eckhart Tolle describes acceptance as being aligned with the present moment, attaching no negativity to what "is". This does not apply to your overall life situation but just to where you are right now. This accepting enhances your ability to change the situation looking forward should you so desire**.
For me the translation in terms of body image is being ok with where I am now, and perhaps loving my body despite what I may see as flaws. In line with Tolles' description, this doesn't mean I can't strive for improvements if I so choose, but rather in accepting my weight, love handles, stretch marks etc, this paves the way towards true change and goals that I may have for my body. And for some, mere acceptance without any goals.
What if we have goals? I believe in having goals for my body that are not solely visually oriented. I want to be and feel strong, be able to climb a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing, keep up in kickboxing class with ladies half my age (and some with 20 years on me!). Ultimately I do not wish to be consumed by what size I am or what the scale says, but how strong and healthy I am.
This may mean separating from what the aforementioned media influences and social pressures suggest (or dictate) I look like and that is freedom! its empowering and its achievable.
As a dietitian, I've taught patients for years that the scale is but a small and often times meaningless piece of health information. My number one goal is to help repair the relationship people have with food and help guide them to a path where moving their bodies and eating nutritious food is second nature. Where the weight falls in this equation is inconsequential and inevitable. But for many, this fact is overwhelmingly hard to accept. This keeps us on the never ending diet rollercoaster.
But what about how I look?
This being said, I also want to be gentle with the woman inside me who wants to look good too. While it shouldn't be the only thing driving us, I think it's preposterous to believe we can proceed with our health and fitness goals without caring what we look like; a little vanity won’t kill you, and I always want to keep things real above all else.
I don't discount that people want to look a certain way- it's ok to want to look how you want to look. Caring for your physical appearance can be part of learning to care for your body. Coming from that place it becomes different than sheer vanity*. The outward expression of the inner well being.
I believe there are two vital components to consider when there is a desire to look a certain way, first, from where does this goal arise and secondly is the goal a reality for you?
Is the goal and ultimate "look" you're going for worth the sacrifice? Who is it for? What happens if you never get there? What is driving this idea of what you want to look like?
Are you ok with yourself if you don’t end up looking the way you wanted to look? Can there be acceptance with where you are? Is the goal realistic?
I think these are important questions to ask yourself, and ones I ask myself, often. Investigating the origin of these goals is a starting point to evaluating the validity of them. Its worth looking inward and worthy of an entire blog post dedicated to it alone…but more on that another time!
Blending our Vanity with our Wellness
How do we balance these two goals? Luckily for us, they are not and don’t have to be mutually exclusive!
Think about it…are you eating as healthfully as you could? Are you participating in physical activity most day per week? Are you doing everything you possibly can to be fit and healthy? If the answer is no, I’ve got some recommendations for you! Consult with a dietitian or a personal trainer. Resolve to add a health goal each week until you’re back on track (10,000 steps on a fit bit, one more vegetable serving per day for example). You may come to realize that working out one more day just isn’t going to work or what you’re eating is just about as nutritious as it can be while incorporating all the foods you love.
If you feel like you’re doing the best you can, and you just don’t like the number on the scale or the way your arms look in a tank top…. its time to re evaluate.
Balancing Act
We can get caught up in desires to have that flat belly, the perfectly toned arms but remember to keep this in reality check with your health behaviors. If those desires are taking over your life, stressing you out and causing you make poor decisions (cabbage soup diet anyone?), then the “scale” is tipping in the wrong direction.
How can we balance these goals with the reality of our situation? Can we reconsider the dream bod we wanted and be at peace with where our body has landed naturally?
Can we love the body we are in despite its perceived flaws. Unconditional love for ourselves and our body is just that -not based on meeting any set of criteria, just loving what is. The way we love our kids despite their back talk, messes and overall infringement upon our lives (lol just kidding!). But its THAT kind of love, so many of us can love others fiercely and lack as much for ourselves.
Go ahead, let the goals and dreams be what they may but I encourage you to keep your eye on the prize of health, ultimately without any stipulations. Be open to adjusting how exactly you want to look or what the number on the scale should say.
Health comes in many shapes and sizes –period.
Final Thoughts
Finding the happy balance of physical health with the perfect body for YOU is an achievable goal.
Letting go of how we envision our bodies as “ideal” is empowering.
Having true self love and body acceptance without conditions is possible.
Being where we are is sometimes exactly where we are meant to be.
What do you think? How has your idea of a “perfect body” evolved over the years? What are you teaching your kids about body image and health?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
**https://www.eckharttolle.com/newsletter/may-2011/
*thanks to Laura Kraus for your insights and ideas